The Disturbing world of Facebook’s “Speed Date” application
Posted: July 23, 2009 at 11:47 pm | Tags: chat, dating, facebook, Girls, internet, picture, Pictures, profiles, Random, relationships, speed date
The internet is a funny place in many regards. The anonymity seems to continue to disappear as people get more comfortable with their online profiles, and people are exposing the weirder sides of themselves at a rather alarming rate.
Along with this comes with the internet creeping into our every day lives. Now that social networking has brought our personal thoughts, political opinions, and the mundane details of our lives into the view of others, we’re looking at our friends in a different lights.
Somehow in the midst of all this, is the Facebook application Speed Date. Somewhere between an e-Harmony account and trolling Myspace profiles lies the logic between this application: look at a random bunch of pictures and quick profiles, see who you like, and contact them. All the while, not looking like a total creep in the process. Oddly enough, I can’t remember when or why I added this app, but I know it only started paying attention to me after I got a girlfriend and as thus, kept trying to hook me up with weird local girls.
But the weirdness doesn’t stop there. The whole point of Speed Date is to find someone to hang out with (at least), right? So it makes you wonder why some word their profiles and likes the way they do. Let’s explore some of the “matches” Speed Date has sent me and encouraged me to “send a flirt” to.
Here’s a handful of local girls that “teh interwebs” thought I might be interested in. Really.
Let’s see what’s behind door number one….
Wow. First off, she's a "Featured Member", which leads me to assume that she actually paid for the listing. Apparently she's up for anything....as long as it "want land me in jail or the hospital". Picture would have been 10 times better if it was a Mugshot. Ooh well.
I could go into pretty gross detail about how many things are wrong with this profile, but why even bother putting up such a blurry, unflattering picture and talk about how much you love your boyfriend in a personal ad?
A stellar example of the modern intellectual, this young lady not only lists "Why Men Love Bitches" as her favorite story book, but also as the only one she can remember reading.
If you love wacky facial expressions and duo-toned hair, call now!
Wanted: Baby Seeks father. No experience required.
Uhm, does anybody know what Urdu is? Maybe she can explain it to you during the commercial break while you two watch Laguna Beach.
Enjoys Dental Books, Dirty Dancing...and Depressing quotes by Ann Frank.
If you've ever known one of those "this is just how I am and ppl need to deal with it cuz I ain't changin" girls before, you know what you're getting into with this one. Also, bonus midget points.
Who do you think the listing is for? Girl 1, 2 or 3?
Isn't this the girl from Psapp?
WTF? Are there other feet under that bench?
Is she chewing? Swallowing? Spitting out her free sample of Camel Snus? IDK, but it makes for a beautifully awkward image.
"I love being outside! Can't you tell from the look on my face?"
I have older siblings and they support me. I have younger siblings and I support them. We all support each other and we really like support. Kinda reminds me of George Carlin's "Everybody strokes everybody" bit.
If what she's doing with the strawberry doesn't impress you, will the fact that she GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL will? As a Baker College grad, I can honestly say this makes me shake my head in shame.
For when you use MS Paint to take the sexiness out of your picture. After all, you want them to judge you on your profile details, not your tits...right?
Are you looking for that hyperactive former cheerleader who longs for the past?
This is what "Friendship Lips" look like
Meet "Lo", a cuddly catholic who came to party.
This one might be a winner. I'm sure most men can look past the creepy blurry Santa gang bang picture and the fact that you can't decide if you're outgoing or shy if you distract them with your "tongue wave".
"I'm so much smarter than you. So smart I actually went to Grand Rapids to meet Fred Meijer. What now? You probably don't even know who that is. Ooh yah, you want all up in this"
A creepy-eyed Ginger Democrat who is covered in hearts. What's not to love?
Learn more about becoming a Ver-Tech at http://www.ver-tech.com/ Really, what's with all the pet pictures?
This looks good. Fun loving Leo Girl, Irish, into guillotines, mentions of "Hell", etc. All seems well until the "Musical Theater is the be all and end all of my mortal existence" line. And how depressing is it that someone joined speed date on Christmas?
She likes boys that cry but still stand up for things. Kinda like that kid who told all of us to "Leave Britney Alone". And by the way, she's under aged. Welcome to Fraser, folks.
Anybody wanna know more?
Simple girls like Lil Wayne and Yung Berg
Don't yell at her, she has no legs after all.
Likes cooking, sewing, reading and...fighting the WAR OF NORTHERN AGGRESSION! Be prepared for some of the most interesting dates you can imagine.
This ad just puzzles me. You'd think she would already know how to nurse.
Polly want a cracker?
That’s all everyone, remember to date safe and date smart. I hope this has been inspiring and enlightening for all of you. I blurred out the names as to make sure none of these people, who have enough issues in their lives, get too harassed. After all, it’s not like they really deserve it like some people do.
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