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Livonia’s Glenn Moon: Even Jesus can’t help but to Facepalm

Posted: August 29, 2009 at 11:06 pm | Tags: boker, Business, Camacho, Christianity, comment, Detroit, Election, Employees, facebook, glenn moon, Government, harriet harman, helen keller, house, Housing, idi amin, interview, jesus, moon, Music, Nature, osama, Politics, Primaries, Primary, Random, Religion, space, vermin supreme, work, zaphod beeblebrox

I can’t believe this went so long without me noticing it. Being involved in politics for as long as I have, I’ve seen some really screwball candidates. But at long last, I think I may have found a candidate who is even more absurd than the infamous Vermin Supreme.

Now, to Mr. Supreme’s credit, he can form coherent sentences in the manner in which the average Joe would say such things…he just says stuff that we would never say. But hey, he was running for president of the United States (and one of the few people I’ve ever met who was also a fan of Imperial Emperor Norton I). Livonia City Council Candidate Glenn Moon on the other hand, not only says things that no mentally competent person would ever say, but he says them in a manner in which prepositions are completely optional and has invented his own nomenclature.

Not sold yet? Moon is a combination of all the worst things that you would expect out of Captain Planet, a Youth Minister, a pee-wee football coach, and a person suffering from a recent head injury. Curiously enough, Moon is none of these. I can’t find an official website for his candidacy, I did find his myspace page, where he claims to be a Christian / Metal / Blues musician, despite the fact that there is no music on his page. I guess it’s better that way.

His city council platform includes:

• Ridding the council and city of people who serve unholy Satan.
• Smiting down those who litter.
• Promptly terminate all city employees who do not “submit self to holy will of God”.
• While you’re at it, all decent God-fearing city employees will work for only $1 per year to prove said submission to God.
• Rid “Livonia Suburb Detroit” of all “fetal murders” at all costs.
• Platform essentially doesn’t matter, since he was “chosen” by our lord Jesus Christ to be on the council anyways.

Ooh yah, there’s video.

Jesus could not be reached for comment, but instead put out this press release:

I haven’t seen ramblings this crazy since Mel Gibson was on South Park

As if the crazy nonsense this guy jabbers isn’t enough, he likes to end his speeches in a way to “fire up” Livonians. Check out this video:

Assuming that your head hasn’t exploded at this point, here’s the ever popular techno remix of Moon’s original speech.

I could go on and on about how this guy no doubt lowers the IQ of anyone who stops to listen to him (sorry to all those who watched the videos), but really his words speak for themselves. At least for his sake he isn’t running for office in Dearborn, but either way: he’s still trying to start some kind of holy war with somebody. Apparently, Livonia is full of Devil Worshippers who have overrun the city leaving a trail of litter in their paths. Who knew?

It amazes me that people like this even still exist, running a political platform based purely on religion with a slight dash of substance (ooh ever so slight). And even his substance is watered down. Asking employees to work for $1 is absolutely unacceptable. I’m all for slimming down government and cutting waste, but you can’t put people into slavery to civil service by way of Jesus Christ.

EDIT: I’ve been pointed in the direction of this, a rather tranquil and quaint video of Moon’s head exploding.

The man should be committed, not elected. Nonetheless, I’m sure he can get a show on Fox News, no matter how the election turns out.

In the meantime, here’s a list of other crazy people, real and fictional, who would make better city council members than Glenn Moon:

Vermin Supreme

This man runs for president every 4 years and gets only a handful of votes, but he’s strong in his principle and his Richard-Cheese Style dress would make him a better elected official than Moon. Supreme advocates mandatory laws requiring people to brush their teeth and makes all sorts of crazy promises, since all the candidates do that anyways and never deliver, so why not?

Zaphod Beeblebrox

The powerfully obnoxious 2-headed space overlord from A Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy would make a welcome addition to the city council simply because he actually does no work, and as such is little, if any threat to the natural order of things. Unless he blows something up by mistake, then we can call it even.

Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

Smackdown champion, pornstar, and president in the all too prophetic film Idiocracy, Camacho did eventually find the guy who could solve the problems and help get the world back on track. Camacho gets shit done.

Idi Amin

If you put all the cannibalism and irate decisions aside, Amin wasn’t that bad of a guy…right? Well he certainly made the 70s interesting.

Helen Keller

See no evil, hear no evil, do no evil. Helen Keller would bring a sense of tranquility to the council.

Boker

Boker likes to show up at random political events around Michigan, giving irate tirades against people whom he is convinced are part of the NWO. He will forever be remembered for grilling Oakland County Executive Brooks Patterson about why he’s a fascist who supports the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds, making a complete total ass of himself in the process at the inaugural SOAR meeting. He later started handing out a list of people who were at the Builderburg conference, as though we were supposed to go hunt these people down right then and there.

Now at this point you must ask, is there anybody who would be a WORSE candidate? I found two, but due to to a recent passing that list has been shortened to one. Meet the devil incarnate, a person equally as evil, if not more so, than Osama bin Laden.

Harriet Harman

Deputy leader of Britan’s Labor party and house of commons member, Harman believes that the sole purpose for Men on this planet is to supply the seed to create more powerful females…and that’s pretty much it. The chronic man-hater not only shows everything that is wrong with over-the-top man-hating feminism, but with humanity in general. Nothing like reverse discrimination to the extreme to “even out the playing field”. More fun info at http://www.harrietharmansucks.com/

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