Vermin Supreme giving an interview during the 2008 primaries

I can’t believe this went so long without me noticing it. Being involved in politics for as long as I have, I’ve seen some really screwball candidates. But at long last, I think I may have found a candidate who is even more absurd than the infamous Vermin Supreme.

Now, to Mr. Supreme’s credit, he can form coherent sentences in the manner in which the average Joe would say such things…he just says stuff that we would never say. But hey, he was running for president of the United States (and one of the few people I’ve ever met who was also a fan of Imperial Emperor Norton I). Livonia City Council Candidate Glenn Moon on the other hand, not only says things that no mentally competent person would ever say, but he says them in a manner in which prepositions are completely optional and has invented his own nomenclature.

Not sold yet? Moon is a combination of all the worst things that you would expect out of Captain Planet, a Youth Minister, a pee-wee football coach, and a person suffering from a recent head injury. Curiously enough, Moon is none of these. I can’t find an official website for his candidacy, I did find his myspace page, where he claims to be a Christian / Metal / Blues musician, despite the fact that there is no music on his page. I guess it’s better that way.

His city council platform includes:

• Ridding the council and city of people who serve unholy Satan.
• Smiting down those who litter.
• Promptly terminate all city employees who do not “submit self to holy will of God”.
• While you’re at it, all decent God-fearing city employees will work for only $1 per year to prove said submission to God.
• Rid “Livonia Suburb Detroit” of all “fetal murders” at all costs.
• Platform essentially doesn’t matter, since he was “chosen” by our lord Jesus Christ to be on the council anyways.

Ooh yah, there’s video.

Jesus could not be reached for comment, but instead put out this press release:

Jesus: Facepalming

I haven’t seen ramblings this crazy since Mel Gibson was on South Park

As if the crazy nonsense this guy jabbers isn’t enough, he likes to end his speeches in a way to “fire up” Livonians. Check out this video:

Assuming that your head hasn’t exploded at this point, here’s the ever popular techno remix of Moon’s original speech.

I could go on and on about how this guy no doubt lowers the IQ of anyone who stops to listen to him (sorry to all those who watched the videos), but really his words speak for themselves. At least for his sake he isn’t running for office in Dearborn, but either way: he’s still trying to start some kind of holy war with somebody. Apparently, Livonia is full of Devil Worshippers who have overrun the city leaving a trail of litter in their paths. Who knew?

It amazes me that people like this even still exist, running a political platform based purely on religion with a slight dash of substance (ooh ever so slight). And even his substance is watered down. Asking employees to work for $1 is absolutely unacceptable. I’m all for slimming down government and cutting waste, but you can’t put people into slavery to civil service by way of Jesus Christ.

EDIT: I’ve been pointed in the direction of this, a rather tranquil and quaint video of Moon’s head exploding.

The man should be committed, not elected. Nonetheless, I’m sure he can get a show on Fox News, no matter how the election turns out.

In the meantime, here’s a list of other crazy people, real and fictional, who would make better city council members than Glenn Moon:

Vermin Supreme

Vermin Supreme

This man runs for president every 4 years and gets only a handful of votes, but he’s strong in his principle and his Richard-Cheese Style dress would make him a better elected official than Moon. Supreme advocates mandatory laws requiring people to brush their teeth and makes all sorts of crazy promises, since all the candidates do that anyways and never deliver, so why not?

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Hey there baby...whatcha doin later?

The powerfully obnoxious 2-headed space overlord from A Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy would make a welcome addition to the city council simply because he actually does no work, and as such is little, if any threat to the natural order of things. Unless he blows something up by mistake, then we can call it even.

Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

Smackdown champion, pornstar, and president in the all too prophetic film Idiocracy, Camacho did eventually find the guy who could solve the problems and help get the world back on track. Camacho gets shit done.

Idi Amin

Idi Amin: He means business

If you put all the cannibalism and irate decisions aside, Amin wasn’t that bad of a guy…right? Well he certainly made the 70s interesting.

Helen Keller

Helen Keller

See no evil, hear no evil, do no evil. Helen Keller would bring a sense of tranquility to the council.

Boker

Not actual photo. But you get the jist of it.

Boker likes to show up at random political events around Michigan, giving irate tirades against people whom he is convinced are part of the NWO. He will forever be remembered for grilling Oakland County Executive Brooks Patterson about why he’s a fascist who supports the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds, making a complete total ass of himself in the process at the inaugural SOAR meeting. He later started handing out a list of people who were at the Builderburg conference, as though we were supposed to go hunt these people down right then and there.

Now at this point you must ask, is there anybody who would be a WORSE candidate? I found two, but due to to a recent passing that list has been shortened to one. Meet the devil incarnate, a person equally as evil, if not more so, than Osama bin Laden.

Harriet Harman

Harriet Harman: The Devil

Deputy leader of Britan’s Labor party and house of commons member, Harman believes that the sole purpose for Men on this planet is to supply the seed to create more powerful females…and that’s pretty much it. The chronic man-hater not only shows everything that is wrong with over-the-top man-hating feminism, but with humanity in general. Nothing like reverse discrimination to the extreme to “even out the playing field”. More fun info at http://www.harrietharmansucks.com/

As you can see, the city desperately needs a new flag:

The Flag of the City of Detroit

The flag is divided up to represent French, British, and American rule over the city surrounding the city seal. There’s also some latin words, representing the mottos of the City of Detroit: “We hope for better things” and “It will rise from the ashes”. Despite the fact that the motto represents a fire from the 19th century, that motto has proven to become more and more true over time, sadly enough.

House of Burgundy Coat of Arms

As I said before, I was convinced that this was the worst flag ever concieved by man. It’s as though it was designed by committee, everyone had their own idea and nobody could decide, so all the ideas made it in. Putting the terrible city seal aside, it looks like an awful patchwork of scattered history. Nobody ever could be proud of this flag. However, history has proven me wrong: another flag exists that upon first glance one could assume that it was the inspiration for Detroit’s.

However, it does not.

It represents the flags of the territories of Charles the Bold of Burgundy. His flag was based on the family coat of arms, which we can assume was so absurdly elabourate as to distract the opponent in battle with an array of flying colors and as such, gain the upper hand. You can see it to the left. Tell me you can look at that and not be distracted?

Frighteningly enough, the flag was based on the coat of arms. The patchwork shield became the predacessor of what may be the worst flag in history.

The Flag of the House of Burgundy

Words can’t even describe how bad it is. You just have to see for yourself. It belonged to this guy:

Charles the Bold: Not a Flag Designer

Charles the Bold, in retrospect, I’m sure could have done whatever he wanted as far as a flag went. While he’s not a household name, the amount of land that fell under the house of Burgundy was once massive: rivaling that of the Holy Roman Empire. However, the lands were never unified, and Charles’ vision for his own kingdom never came to be. You can see the absurd amount of land he covered here.

In many ways, there are too many similarities between the land holdings of Charles The Bold and the City of Detroit. Both tried to unify a large, diverse group of people. Both faced an amazing amount of obstacles. Both became powerful before falling drastically, and neither realized their long term vision.

The difference is that it’s too late for Charles the Bold, but not for us. The recent city council primary election results are a slim shred of hope that there may be some competent people left willing to take charge.

But either way: we really, really, really need a new flag. Let’s get something that businesses will be proud to fly, not something so shameful that nobody even knows waht it is.

Welcome to Mt. Palmer

NeighborhoodScout.com is a fantastic resource for people looking to move. It as all kinds of fun stats on where want to live, how far your “neighborhood” goes, crime rates, school information, etc. No doubt it saves a Realtor a ton of time every year as they work to convince people to buy homes all over the country. Of course with this data, you can see where the safest and most dangerous neighborhoods are in the country.

Walletpop.com did a story recently analyzing the 25 most dangerous neighborhoods in the nation. Only one Detroit hood made the list, coming in at #23: The Mount Elliott / Palmer neighborhood. Within this small scope of streets there are a little over 150 projected violent crimes every year (or one every 2-3 days), the violent crime rate per thousand is almost 100, and the odds of you becoming a victim of such a crime if you live there is 11%, which is quite a bit by most standards (even the most dangerous neigborhood in America has odds of 25%).

The thing that makes the Mt. Palmer neighborhood interesting is that it’s a mix of residential dilapidation and an industrial wasteland: the neighborhood houses the Motor City Industrial Park, a massive complex that was once home to Packard Motors and now sits abandoned, with no clear owner, and is set on fire seemingly every couple of weeks now. As a Realtor, the only convincing point I could make to sell a home here is the price. There is nothing else that is even remotely inviting.

Mt. Palmer is located on the east side of the city, between Gratiot Avenue and I-94 to the east and west, as well as East Grand Blvd. and Mount Elliott to the north and south. You can view a map over at the Neighborhood Scout Website. It’s common knowledge that the east side of the city is more problematic than the west side, however while the residential parts don’t appear as bad on the outside, it looks as though this really is the place where anything can happen.

Here come the pictures. The sepia tone gives it a nice eerie feeling to it all, but of course you can see the full roll of pictures in full color over in the photos section. Click on any photo to view a larger resolution.

The Businesses

Businesses is slim to non-existent in this area. The occasional party store or something of the like is on the perimeter, but there is very little once you get off the main roads.

This Children's Center is arguably the most inviting thing in the neighborhood

Here is the first of many pictures back dropped by the Packard Plant. It's a State run Family Independence Agency.

Here's Krispy Krunchy Chicken, one of the the more modern establishments

Krystal's Korner. It looked like some sort of party store, I don't know for sure as I didn't venture indoors

Abandoned Liquor Store

Old building, it appeared to be a school.

A major problem in Detroit is the lack of access to quality food. The simple suburban concept of the "Supermarket" is rare in the city, including this one that was long since closed.

The only form of lodging in the area is the Packard hotel, across the street from the plant. I wouldn't suggest booking a room unless you're looking for quite an adventure.

Quality Furnature is located right off of Gratiot, need a new matress?

Subway: Eat Fresh

Wildcats Detroit was the only bar I could find. It was next door to the Family Independence Agency.

The Signs of Industry

I could have made this an entire feature on the Packard Plant. But for the sake of this focusing more on the way the people live and a feeling for the neighborhood, I won’t do that. You can see the glory that is Motor City Industrial Park over here in the photos section.

Alliance Steel Inc.

The back of an Industrial Building

The Boulevard Auto Center. No way to tell if the place is in business or not.

Capuchen Services

Faygo Trucks parked out back

A Burned out, industrial Building

The rusty water tower: the ultimate symbol of industrial decay

The Streets

The most amazing thing about the streets is that their condition at the core is fairly well kept. Maybe it’s the lack of traffic that comes trough, but while you would expect cracked streets and potholes, overall the ride is smooth. Save for the number of tires, amount of broken glass, or random pileups of garbage that flood the streets of Mt. Palmer. It is especially bad right around the packard plant, but trash in the streets or along the roadside is common, and may be the most frightening thing for someone who is not expecting it.

A closed off street leading to the Packard Plant

This is a group of seats I discovered in a clearing by the roadside. There are 3 benches, as if to be positioned around a large campfire. Truely a creepy sight.

A look down Mt. Elliott at Palmer

A dumpster that has been an obvious victim of at least one fire.

While the whole neighborhood was rather quiet, this ally was espcially calm

Faygo: Putting Detroit Back on a Map

You would be hard pressed to find a fire hydrant that is in worse shape that still resembles a fire hydrant.

Free wood: either referring to some wood that had already been claimed...or the tree itself.

An old man lumbers home

No parking. Or else.

Cars ranged from things like this old Buick Regal to a new BMW 5 Series.

This old Chevrolet was spotted for sale inside a gated and razor wired fence

Roadside Tires: Common as anything else

A shopping cart turned over in the ally

A trashed street. Watch where you drive.

Thou Shalt Not Steal: Good advice, for those who take it.

Down a not-so-busy street

Tires and Trash by the side of the road.

More trash piled up

A Street Corner at East Warren

The Cemetery

On the west side of the neighborhood is Trinity Cemetery, with graves dating back quite some time. This was by far the creepiest part of my endeavor.

Welcome to Trinity Cemetery

Lock your Car and be Alert

A view through the fence

Graves K-M

Discarded Casket Carriers over on the south east corner of the cemetery

Of all the things I found, this was by far the most disturbing

A nice mound of grave dirt.

The Homes

Where the people live is the most interesting part of the journey. Something that you won’t see in the pictures is the amount of people who were just sitting on their porches. My luck has been pretty bad lately, and I wasn’t about to push it by asking some of the most unfriendly looking people I’ve ever seen if I could take their pictures. So it’s just buildings, but you’ll get the picture.

Burned out Apartments

A House on the Corner

A few houses, a few cars

A Flame Broiled Home

One of the best looking homes in the neighborhood

Make what you will of this one

Here's something interesting: Houses that you can't tell if they're abandoned or not.

With the grass so high, you'd think this was Kansas

Average Mt. Palmer House

So long, porch. Things like this are all too common.

Christmas Anyone?

The light shines oh-so-beautifully through the roof

A Local man lowing his lawn

Yet another home with broken steps

A pile of rubble, who knows what it used to be

What's left of a home after a fire

Standard Home

Trash outside of a home

A few two-story homes

Yet another two story home

Churches

Faith is an important part of most communities, and there’s a handful of them in Mt. Palmer

The Church of God in Christ

Church of the living God

New Star Missionary Baptist Church

Oak Grove Church

This is only about half the photos I have, you can see the rest of them, in full color, right here.

And now you have a visual as to what Detroit’s most dangerous neighborhood really looks like. Take a drive down for yourself if you’re still curious.